Ranturday 6/25/11- Always a bridesmaid…

Hi Folks,


So in case you’re totally clueless, (or just don’t care) yesterday New York legalized same sex marriage in the Empire State.

Fly that freak flag!




Wait what’s that you say?


“But Fright Dyke, you don’t live in New York.”

Uh, your freak flag is missing some colors...





That’s right gentle readers I do not, I live in the Keystone State (Pennsylvania for those of you who failed the 5th grade) so basically what happened yesterday was beautiful and wonderful and just and a vindication of many years of struggle…for all my friends in New York.



So now just to give you the full update I could now marry Bright Dyke in the following states: New York, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Vermont, D.C. and…Iowa.

This guy IS the Iowa Pride Parade. He was granted the right to marry himself.


I can Civil Union her(we’re working on making this a verb) in the following states: Hawaii, New Jersey(Woo! Represent…kinda), Illinois and…Delaware.

Delaware...they painted there entire state rainbowtastic...no one noticed.


I can Domestic Partner her(again working on it) in the following states: Oregon, Nevada, Washington and…Wisconsin.

Wisconsin will have it's cake and eat.....everything


The following states have gone out of their way to BAN same sex marriage via amendments to their state constitutions and would like for us to very kindly fuck off thank you very much: Alabama, Alaska(I can see injustice from my apartment), Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Kansas, Kentucky, Idaho, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah and Virginia.

Wall Cat and Sill Cat say to keep your politics off their window sill


The following states do not have constitutional amendments but are covered by the dreaded DOMA and don’t give two shits about Bright Dyke and myself: Rhode Island, Indiana, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, North Carolina, West Virginia, Wyoming and (drumroll)…PENNSYLVANIA.

Fright Dyke Flips You Off from a state of perpetual annoyance.



And California doesn’t know what the fuck it’s doing.


Now to be clear I am pleased with the fact that the numbers are starting to kinda sorta even out. (6 – 44 woo we still have a better record than the Mets!) On the other hand I mean COME ON people!

I don’t pretend to know what the fuck is going through the mealy grey mush that homophobes call brains (the Zombies refer to them as ‘spam’) but I will tell you one thing: this ‘sanctity of marriage’ horseshit has to stop.


We will ignore for the moment that they clearly have religious marriage and civil marriage confused(Priest vs. Judge…requiem)

Her word is gospel

we will ignore for the moment that heterosexuals do have this little thing called DIVORCE (the sanctity of family court)

This is a divorce cake... this would not exist if there was not a market for it.

we will ignore for the moment that ADULTERY exists (spreading the sanctity around)

You would think DOMA would've outlawed this

we will ignore for a moment that you can get married and divorced in the span of an hour in vegas (what happens in sanctity stays in sanctity)

Though they don't allow non-drivers to wed

but I will not ignore, or cede, or validate this ridiculous notion that “my love is better than your love”.

Has anyone else noticed they're always people who couldn't get ANYONE of ANY SEX to fuck them?


Now I know plenty of heteros who love their spouses more than themselves, I also know a lot of homos who think monogamy is a single player title for the X360, but all that means is that WE’RE ALL THE SAME. If two people love each other it doesn’t matter whether they have matching naughty bits or not. What matters is that they want to spend the rest of their lives taking mutual responsibility for each other and believe the law should account for that symbiosis in an economically and legally beneficial way.


Some people’s proposed solution to this has been to do away with civil marriage altogether. Way to literally make everyone a bastard this shit does exist for a reason. What’s that? What about single people you say? To that I say FUCK YOU.


Some people’s solution has been to call it something else for gay people; which wouldn’t bother me if civil unions and domestic partnerships had the same legal rights as marriage. Which they don’t so FUCK YOU.


Some people within the community have expressed that gay marriage would be reinforcing an assimilationist, patriarchal, heteronormative lifestyle on gays and is therefore harmful to our culture and sense of community; which they feel is a bad thing. They feel that if we get married like other people we are asking for acceptance by society and that degrades us in some way. I feel like I want to be able to file a joint tax return and have my medical insurance cover Bright Dyke’s raging hypochondria. So again: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOUUU.


Now I don’t live in some mystical fairyland (again-Penssylvania) where Homosexual marriages will be perfect and everyone will be happy with a yard and 2.5 kids (or dogs- these seem to be interchangeable) some of them will fail. Some of them will end in misery and regret and legal fees. JUST LIKE HETEROSEXUALS. (if it’s proportional it should be over half)


I will love my partner regardless of a marriage certificate; but loving someone isn’t good enough in the real world. I want the opportunity for bliss with the risk of misery, I want to be held legally and financially accountable for someone that I love. I don’t think that’s cheapening, or heteronormative, or assimilationist, or radical, or liberal, or conservative I think it’s sanity. I think that if you love someone enough that you can’t imagine life without them, that you feel like you can’t breathe when they aren’t there, that the only logical conclusion is to do everything you can to keep the two of you together and the benefits of civil marriage go a long way to making that desire for lifelong companionship viable.


So I say to you all now: celebrate, it’s an awesome day, a true victory; but don’t forget to roll up your sleeves again on Monday because the only way that ‘fuck you very much’ list gets any shorter is if we fight like hell for it. Volunteer your time if you can, volunteer your money if you can. If you can’t: volunteer whatever you want; words, cupcakes, karaoke selections, your first born, your last born, your genetically engineered Mega-Chinchilla, whatever you think will do the slightest bit of good.

Chinchilla Avengers SMASH INTOLERANCE!


Because this can happen.


Because every time another state makes the right decision we get hope to go along with our civil rights and pride to go along with our parade.


And I get a little closer to the AWESOME Bachelor party I’ve been promised (looking at you Scare Bear), and a horror/Yankee themed rehearsal dinner cake, (Zombie George Steinbrenner…too soon?), and a socially acceptable vacation where Bright Dyke and I mess around Europe/Caribbean/ The Hellmouth doing nothing but drink and eat and discuss how awesome we are/slay vampires if we choose option C.

We dare the haters to get past security in Sunnydale


So get crackin’ USA because I want my big gay Italian wedding: and I want to have it in whatever fucking state I want.



Your impatient Screamstress,



~Fright Dyke


2 Responses to “Ranturday 6/25/11- Always a bridesmaid…”

  1. A-freakin-men!

    -Bright Dyke

  2. […] go read Fright Dyke’s blog, for she says a lot of wonderful ranty and funny things about […]

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