DVD Tuesday- 6/28/11

Hey folks,

It’s that time again! New stuff comes out today and we actually have quite a bit to cover for a change. I know I missed last week so I’ve included the one new genre movie that came out on the 21st as well. Since there are a couple and by my own admission I missed all of them in theaters( or y’know haven’t gotten to them yet because they missed theaters too) I’m going to give two reasons for and against for all of them. Which for a couple might be a bit of a stretch to start with, so with no further stalling here’s what came out this week.

Sucker Punch– Admittedly a bit of a stretch for a ‘horror’ flick but the main character is in an insane asylum and her hallucinations or whatever the heck they’re supposed to be should make for some interesting viewing regardless.

Swing Away:

  1. It’s Zack Snyder so whatever it lacks in plot(which from the looks of it should be, a beginning, middle and end) will be made up for with a lot of graphic violence and some extensive gore.
  2. This is essentially a movie about putting five very hot women in battle armor and throwing them at enemies so they can pound the hell out of them…not really seeing a downside here.

Pull your Punches:

  1. There won’t really be a whole lot of plot or character development, questionable whether it even requires dialogue.
  2. This thing is going to get trippy real quick; those without a ‘willful suspension of disbelief’ switch…probably not going to have a good time.

Five reasons I'll be renting this...

Season of the Witch– This one I just flat out missed in theaters and I’ve been kicking myself for it ever since. This actually looks pretty good even with Nic Cage in the lead, as a general rule I can’t stand the man but the trailer peaked my interest. The plot revolves around a group of Knights escorting an alleged witch to her trial, theoretically for turning someone into a newt or something (he got better) and on the way questioning the validity of the charges and presumably learning something about the nature of good and evil.

Blessed Be:

1. I’m sort of a sucker for period horror and this one takes on a surprisingly untapped era. The crusades were a time rife with superstition and humans doing just generally terrible things to each other and it’s about damn time it stopped being treated as flashback fill-in territory for when modern plots start to droop.

2. It’s been a long time since I saw a decent witch movie that actually had the intent to scare me (The Craft comes to mind) and I’ve always been a fan of my hexy homegirls so I’m hoping this one is for the win.

Burn Her!:

  1. (sigh) This movie stars Nicolas Cage, who with very few exceptions will turn in the same monotone Coppolarobot performance in this movie as he has in every other movie he’s ever been in. Seriously you tell him you’re going to pluck his toenails off with rusty pliers and this guy will have the same facial expression as if you asked him if he’d like some pretzel M&M’s.
  2. CGI monsters in the trailer rarely bode well for a period horror movie. (Why don’t you go ask Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale how that worked out in Van Helsing)

Also if there's even a chance Cage gets set alight in this movie...it could all be worth it.

Wake Wood–  I don’t know an awful lot about this one as it’s direct to DVD but the few comments I’ve come across have at least been fairly positive. When a couple loses their child to a dog attack they are allowed to spend some time with her in a supernatural ‘you just have to know this isn’t going to end well’ type of scenario. I have to admit I’m intrigued by this one just a bit.

Into the Woods:

  1. The plot sounds fairly interesting and it isn’t a remake or sequel so I feel almost morally obligated to see it.
  2. Timothy Spall, otherwise known as ‘Peter Pettigrew’ of Harry Potter fame is in the cast. I genuinely like him; I think he has a lot of talent as a character actor and would hope he doesn’t attach himself to these things lightly.

Wake Me Up When it’s Over:

  1. It’s direct to DVD. Now this is not to say that there aren’t plenty of good genre titles that skip the big screen; but even now that puts a bit of a warning label on here, after all even independent horror movies tend to make it to theaters if someone, somewhere thinks they can make a buck off of them.
  2. The last time I saw ‘grieving parents retreat to the woods’ it was Antichrist which is three hours of my life that can never be returned to me.

Yeah somehow the Zombie hand isn't instilling confidence for a happy ending.

 Dawning– Another direct to DVD entry, this one looks a little less promising. Apparently some people go out to the woods, get a vague warning from some old creep and then I dunno, probably get eaten…by…something.

Here Comes the Sun:

  1. Supernatural doings in the woods aren’t exactly the freshest angle but this one is supposedly done found footage style, which always at least warrants a peek at the trailer for me.
  2. This could be one of those movies that turns out to at least be entertaining if not scary. There are a lot of low budget genre films out there that are low on scares but still enjoyable.

Hold out for Morning:

  1. It’s direct to DVD, and low budget, and found footage. For all I know this was someone’s 11th grade A/V project.
  2. Wow scary things happen in the woods…you don’t say? The tropes and regrettable formulas are going to feature prominently in this thing. Anyone looking for originality may want to look away.

She just looks like pure sunshine doesn't she?

Beastly– Another vastly tweenicized (patent pending) retelling of a classic fairytale, this time it’s Beauty and the Beast’s turn. They’ve modernized it and taken away the fur to get that creepy bestiality problem out of the way (not that parents apparently have a problem with it: see Team…fuck it I can’t even talk in Twijargon as a joke without feeling my gag reflex start) this wouldn’t appear to be making much of an effort to market itself as anything but a supernatural romance however so I’m not too perturbed.

Feed the Beast:

  1. This could be interesting depending on how heavy handed the romance is, I mean there’s still curses and deformity involved this could at least be watchable under an ultimatum like circumstance. (Thank god Bright Dyke loves explosions as much as I love decapitations)
  2. Blind Neil Patrick Harris- this could be unintentional comedy gold, honestly I might watch just his scenes.

Put Him Down:

  1. ahem…Supernatural Romance…prepare to be bored to tears and lose a couple of key brain cells.
  2. Modernized fairytales are hard to take to start with and if the trailer is any indication this one is going to be pretty darn heavy handed when it comes to the ‘LOOK IT’S BEAUTY AND THE BEAST’ moments.

So the before and after for this one is essentially tattoos and shirtlessness? For the love of god bring on the singing candelabra.

 

2012: Ice Age– It’s exactly what is sounds like. Apocolypse comes this time in the form of a giant glacier that is apparently wreaking havoc (presumably it is moving faster than a normal glacier) and crushing everything in it’s path etc. etc. We are treated to a family from Maine’s perspective on the end of the world.

Could be Cool:

  1. Standard scenes of mass destruction done in CGI-tastic style.
  2. Have to admit this is a new take on this, no climate change just a massive runaway ice tray.

Already Cold:

  1. It’s a freakin’ glacier, I mean come on these things move like an inch every two years, how do you ‘run’ from that?
  2. It’s an Asylum movie. Anything with their label on it is to be avoided at any cost.

I see the glacier carved them a nice little foot path, awful nice considering the rush it's in

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid– Ok gotta admit it’s going to be a little tough to find the positive for this one. It’s another installment in the Mega vs. what the fuckever we feel like this week series.

Mega…watchable?:

  1. Debbie Gibson’s in it and I suppose that’s technically a good thing.
  2. We’re slowly getting closer to Mega Chinchilla getting his big debut, so keep watching people that boy deserves his big break.

WHY?:

  1. It’s an Asylum movie- see last notes for 2012: Ice Age.
  2. I really shouldn’t have to come up with a second reason not to see this…I mean the reasons to see it were even kind of reasons not to see it.

Some day little guy...some day...

Ok kiddies that does it for this week, in other news I swear I’m getting that Super 8 review out this week, which means a Cloverfield review has to come first.

Also, just y’know to get the hype up for all twenty of you, Monday is the Fourth of July… and I’m very excited to say the very first time I will devote an entire day, and an entire post to my favorite movie ever. That’s right folks, better get your  swimming in on Saturday….

DAAAAAAAAA DUM

DAAAAAAAA DUM

DUM DUM DUM DUM DAA DUM DUM DUM

DA DA DUM!

…. Because the fourth belongs to Bruce.

We're gonna need a bigger blog...

 

 

Your excited Screamstress,

~ Fright Dyke

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One Response to “DVD Tuesday- 6/28/11”

  1. Yeah….yeah, you went there.

    -Bright Dyke

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