That’s right folks,

I am now capable of bending the laws of time and space to make it yesterday, and not like I have a job or am currently moving house- therefore it’s a special Sunday edition of Ranturday (Runturday?) and today’s is kind of a doozy.

Did you know IKEA carried time machines?

As some of you may or may not have noticed, I’m kind of a casual baseball fan (and by ‘casual’ I mean I will casually beat your face in if you call me anything less than ‘hardcore’) I love the sport. I am a New York Yankee fan (contrary to popular belief YES you can be a Yankee fan and a baseball fan, just like you can be a Red Sox, or Pirates, or Cubs fan and not understand the infield fly rule) I was born into it judgers are haters moving on…

Two of the best things my gene pool ever gave me.

I was listening to the John Kincade show on ESPN radio this morning (because I am apparently a 70 year old alcoholic… seriously have you ever listened to the callers on a sports talk show? ) and found myself fuming over the one and only thing I think is truly unfair about being a professional athlete, getting your ass kissed for things that everyday people are expected to do.

I will however applaud Tom Brady getting a haircut...even though it makes Red Sox fans cry.

To put this in context; Mr. Kincade was talking about the tragic incident at the Rangers ballpark on Thursday night when Shannon Stone reached for a foul ball Rangers centerfielder Josh Hamilton had tossed to him. He lost his balance and fell over the railing, and sadly he died within an hour of the incident. This is tragic; his son was with him at the game, it’s a terrible, terrible thing. Now certainly I could understand how Josh Hamilton, even though he was a small part of a tragic accident, could be having some trouble dealing with this.

But the romanticizing oh my FUCKING GOD.

The sports media has been talking about this since Thursday, ‘How is Hamilton going to react to this?’, ‘Will he be able to hit?’ etc. After he hit a walk off two run homer last night they’re all lauding him this morning for ’emotional resilience’ and ‘bravery’ to that I say


Fuck Josh Hamilton.

No offense man

I mean for God’s sake a man died on Thursday, his son is now sans father for crying out loud and you’re worried if the reigning AL MVP’s batting average is going to be affected? I should clarify this by saying I in no way expect that Josh Hamilton is looking for this. The sports media is absolutely out of their freaking mind for treating a tragedy this way.


But believe it or not that’s not today’s primary rant. Mr. KIncade felt the need this morning to touch on a different pet peeve of mine. He labeled Hamilton a hero, not for what he’s done on the field; but for what he NO LONGER does off of it.


For those of you who are unaware Hamilton used to have a substance abuse problem; it nearly cost him his career, and the Texas Rangers a shit ton of merchandising revenue (which I’m pretty sure the Rays, Cubs and Reds who had crackhead Hamilton would probably like a share of), now I applaud the man’s decision to clean up his act. Substance abuse is a terrible thing and overcoming it takes a lot of patience and strength of will…but it doesn’t make you a fucking hero…it makes you a former substance abuser.

The strength to come back to playing a game for a living...my god what a harrowing decision that must have been.

I’m sick to death of hearing about Hamilton’s ‘inspiring’ story. It’s not inspiring, it’s pathetic…you have been given the ability to do something an infinitesimal number of people can do and you almost fucked it up, then you fixed it, and I who LOSE MY FUCKING JOB if I come up positive for anything more narcotic than a Tylenol am supposed to stand up and clap for you? If he wasn’t a baseball player he’d be screwed for life but because he plays sports he’s inspiring. People get off the pipe everyday jacko you’re not special. I mean hell Favre kicked the Vicodin addiction and we didn’t applaud….oh wait we did, because apparently if Brett Favre is smart enough not to cut off the millions a year gravy train we’re all impressed. I mean at least he was a football player addicted to painkillers that almost makes sense.

All other total d-baggery aside, he's also a smug S.O.B., also you ever notice that his fanbase now consists almost exclusively of men in their 40's who love Wrangler Jeans?

I would like to make it clear this rant is not going to address steroids…not because it isn’t relevant…because I need to sleep at some point in the next 24 hours and the whole thing sends me into a screaming fit.






Or Manny will put his sad face on.

To sum up here, this isn’t a rant directed at Josh Hamilton, I’m sure he’s a very nice guy and I’m glad he got his life back on track. It’s what he’s come to represent; this ridiculous notion that we should admire him for NOT doing something that NO ONE should do.

Do I even have to type the joke? No? Awesome.

Come to think of it I haven’t done drugs like…ever. Where’s my half hour ESPN special?



Your fed-up Screamstress,



~Fright Dyke


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