It’s getting hot in here…please maintain all standards of public decency…

Ok folks,

So just in case you haven’t been outside, or on Facebook for the last 24 hours, allow me to enlighten you on recent meteorological developments. It’s fucking hotter than Obi’s Jigsaw encounter in this joint. It’s in triple effing digits people! I can’t be expected to give real, intelligent film analysis when I’m taking freezing cold showers bi-hourly just to avoid sweating through my Crystal Lake camp counselor polo.

And they keep getting harder and harder to find...

So today we’re going to do something completely brainless and completely subjective.

Wall Cat thinks the idea of this being different from the norm is laughable...I think Wall Cat needs to shut the hell up

We’re going to objectify women. Like big time. Now somewhere deep down, my feminist sensibilities are crying out that this is oh so very wrong, to that I say: Shut up brain it’s hot and I want some fucking eye candy!

I should really learn to be more specific

Now I would like to make a brief disclaimer here, this isn’t just going off of looks, it has a lot to do with the characters they played, the attitude they had and their enthusiasm for the genre. Even after all that this list could have EASILY had 100 women on it, I broke my back getting it to 20 people.

So without any further stalling; let’s raise the thermostat a couple more degrees, twenty to be precise.

Fright Dyke’s Top Ten Horror Hotties

20. Shawnee Smith (Saw, Carnival of Souls (1998), The Blob (1988))

I don’t care what anyone says there is something HOT about the bad guy and Lesbians are just as prone to this as our hetero counterparts. She’s sick in the head, sadistic and really good with power tools, what more could you ask for?

Oh yeah she’s smokin’ hot.

You had me at 'Game Over'

19. Melyssa Ade (Jason X)

Upping the snark factor in what is easily the most (intentionally) campy of the Friday series as Janessa, the smartmouth space slut, this chick is a) rocking the futuristic physics defying shirt, and b) funny as hell. The only way to top hot is funny and hot.

I don't know what's going on but I like where this is headed...

18.Jamie Lee Curtis (Halloween, The Fog)

The original scream queen and a bonafide horror hottie, Jamie Lee is hot NOW, let alone the 70’s. I mean how can you not have a crush on Laurie Strode, she’s smart, brave and totally fucking kick-ass. Anyone who stabs The Shape in the eye with a knitting needle can be the girl next door to me any day.

The only woman capable of making me wish I was IN the closet

17. Sigourney Weaver (Alien)

Much like Jamie Lee this is one of those times where if you don’t understand it there’s probably something wrong with you. Ripley is THE badass bitch, the only reason the Alien vs. Predator series happened was because the Xenomorphs wouldn’t fight Ripley anymore.

I can't wait for the future

16. Tiffany Shepis (She’s coming up on genre film 100, I’m not listing)

It is actually illegal to like horror movies and not be attracted to Tiffany Shepis. I don’t care if you’re a straight girl. If the hardest working woman in horror isn’t good enough for you…you’re clearly an egomaniac.

There are at least three good reasons for 3d in this picture...

15.Cassandra Peterson (Elvira: Mistress of the Dark)

Do I need to explain this? She’s ELVIRA, she’s iconic, she is the embodiment of bad b-movies and sex. Her hair’s that size because it is full of the souls of fanboys…and girls whose unrequited love killed them slowly during two hundred monster movie screenings.

I would gladly give my soul to make that beehive bigger...

14.Anna Torv (Fringe)

FBI Agent Olivia Dunham is everything I want in a female lead, she’s smart, she’s ballsy, she’s compassionate, she’s a total workaholic and oh yeah she looks like this:

I LOVE FRiNGE

THANK YOU JEEBUS!

13.Cecile de France (High Tension)

 

 Ok so it’s not just because she’s playing a lesbian, it’s because she’s playing a super hot, psychotic, soft butch lesbian.

We have a thing for handy girls here at Fright Dyke...

12. Kate Beckinsale (Underworld, Van Helsing)

Corsets, guns, black curly hair and a pallor that makes Dracula look like he spent some time in the tanning booth. The goth look is good for her, which makes it very good for us.

Also: SWORD, she's got a fucking SWORD!

11.MIlla Jovovich (Resident Evil)

 

    Come on, she’s Alice, she’s deadly, she’s kick ass, and also the cause of the most awkward moment my father and I have ever shared. Fright Dyke/Fright Dad (In unison): Mmmm, Milla Jovovich. … Awkward silence….talk about mass appeal.

The Zombies are actually swarming to get her number

10. Jessica Lucas (Cloverfield)

Was anyone else slightly put off by the fact that all the sexy emphasis was put on Odette Yustman in this movie? Jessica Lucas is one seriously capable chick, as previously mentioned everything the boys do in Cloverfield she does in heels; also Odette Yustman is not as hot as Jessica Lucas. The only redemption here is that Lily makes it out alive.

Dude not even shaky cam could screw this up

9. Allyson Hannigan (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

She’s Willow; I’m gay and I grew up in the 90’s/early 00’s deal with it she’s my everloving GODDESS. On top of being a total babe, she’s hysterical, she’s cute like actually cute, and seriously who doesn’t have a thing for nerdy girls?

CAN'T

CHOOSE

HOTTEST

8. Ali Larter (Final Desitnation, House on Haunted Hill, Resident Evil)

I don’t even have any remarks for this one really, this one’s based pretty much solely on looks.

I dare you to find fault with this

7. Neve Campbell (Scream, The Craft)

“Lovable and fucked up Sydney Prescott everyone’s favorite little victim.”- Cotton Weary Scream 2.

 

Hell yeah she is, also for the record the short bob in Scream 2  is the high point of Sydney/ Neve’s babe-hood for the series, but the more times she fucking donkey kicks Ghostface down the stairs, the more times she drops that devastating pre-beatdown one liner, the faster my heart goes.

I think the answer is clear here Sid: no more BOYfriends...

6. Jodie Foster (Silence of the Lambs)

I’m a lesbian it’s in the handbook,

Dyke commandment # 6: thou shalt covet Jodie.

OMFG coveting

5. Sarah Michelle Gellar (BTVS, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Scream 2)

In case you haven’t noticed I’ve got kind of a thing for badass chicks. It doesn’t get more badass than Buffy Summers. This is on top of the fact that she looks like a beauty queen and delivers every line like the sarcastic, witty girl next door that everyone wants over at their slumber party. Also again funny wins some major points.

She used to beat people off with a stick...then she upgraded.

4. Eliza Dushku (BTVS, Wrong Turn)

Faith, nuff said. But for the sake of pretending this isn’t just my…heart talking, Eliza Dushku takes the bad girl thing to a whole new level, she’s kind of scary in a lot of her roles, in that kind of…oh my god I’m a little worried your gonna beat me…but not as worried as I probably should be way. She’s like the femme fatale you’re totally willing to put up with the asphyxiation for if it means you get to tap that.

Eliza showing her vulnerable side

3. Michelle Rodriguez (Resident Evil, Machete)

I’ve got a serious weakness for Miss Rodriguez, she’s the prototypical hot, Latina tough girl and she does it with the kind of sexual ambiguity that makes me willing to bust into Umbrella Corp for a closer look. Also Machete, leather jumpsuits really can make anything better.

Yeah...not really seeing a downside here...

2. Clea Duvall (The Faculty)

I will admit this is one of those long standing crushes that started outside of Horror and her being in The Faculty just gave me an excuse to put her on the list. Whether it’s Stokely, Graham, Ginny or Sofie, Clea can and will get my attention every time.

It's ok baby we totally believe you when you say you aren't gay...totally

  1. Hayden Pannettiere (Scream 4)

For real here, apart from Heroes apart from everything else she’s ever done, have you ever seen anything as screen touchingly good as Kirby Reed? She’s sarcastic, she’s a horror nut, she’s bite sized and Oh My Fucking God does the hair ever make it, I mean Jason Voorhees and the Holy Ghost, you do not get any more fucking hot than Hayden Pannettiere in Scream 4.  And Bright Dyke is sitting here agreeing with me rather than giving me the stink-eye, you know I’m on to something here.

 

Wall Cat is even willing to share his wall...now that's some persuasive hotness

 

 

Ok so clearly this list was pored over multiple times before I could come up with a top twenty. There are simply too many women out there to make this easy, expect this to get revisited at some point I mean when number one comes from a movie that premiered all of four months ago I think it’s pretty clear this list is ever changing.

Also in a related matter:

Morena Baccarin: Will you please do something, ANYTHING I can justify as horror so you can take your rightful place on this list please? V doesn’t count babe I need something a little more hardcore than that. PLEASE?

For the love of god woman grab a chainsaw already!

Your enraptured Screamstress,

~Fright Dyke

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