DVD Tuesday 8/23/11

Hey folks,

 

Stop throwing things…I know and that’s all I’m saying about it. It won’t happen again…until it totally does.

 

But hey it’s DVD TUESDAY! (with jazz hands if that will appease)

Ok so it’s kinda DVD…August and parts of July but as far as I’m concerned the matter is closed.

 

 

Ahem....We had an agreement....

 

I said closed.

YOU WILL HONOR THE AGREEMENT!

 

……fine…Jesus…

 

Wall Cat (and the members of “Kitteh werkers of teh Interwebs local 944”…and their lawyer) has demanded as part of the new labor agreement that I submit to you: bearing witness en masse…that there will be no further enactment of de facto work furloughs here on Fright Dyke exceeding one calendar week (this being enacted on a Tuesday) as this is an unjust and unnecessary impoverishment of a noble and not at all played out meme.

 

Can we continue now please?

 

If you must

Thankssomuch.

 

Anyway yeah so DVD TUESDAY! Now with 20% less labor disputes! We’ve got a lot to cover today so we’re only doing a one for one this week… I know you’re heartbroken.

 

 

Seeing as it looked like Tropicana field during the playoffs in here when I was posting every day...

 

Anyway…onetwothreego….

 

 

You used to be superman....

Dylan Dog– Brandon Routh does the full feature Supernatural thing.

 

Here Boy!

 

  1. I tend to find the paranormal detective thing interesting, plus it seems to be marketed more like a comedy so I’m figuring if it’s terrible on the horror front it could pick it up with the funny.

 

Old Yeller Treatment

 

  1. The paranormal detective thing has been getting done to death lately. Let’s hope this isn’t the final nail in the coffin.

Bio-Dead– I can’t even find a synopsis for this one…

 

Go for it anyway

 

  1. There’s an entry on the cast list for ‘Corpse on coffee table’. That can’t possibly be bad.

 

Not even a synopsis?

 

  1. Seriously that doesn’t bode well.

Fast Zombies With Guns– Another entry in the newly formed, “we’re too cool to think up a title” subgenre, it’s exactly what it sounds like.

 

Fire Away

 

  1. You can’t deny handing the undead machine guns is innovative…

 

Put the safety on

 

  1. Uh…call me crazy but I feel like them being fast and packing heat makes the threat less zombie centric and more ‘unkillable army’ centric. I mean slow/ unarmed you’ve got to have at least one of them don’t you? You’re fucking with the mythos a bit here guys and we all know where that will eventually lead…

Goblin– Again the title is massively understated. Small town in besieged every Halloween by a baby-snatching oompa loompa with a taste for human flesh.

 

I’ve got a golden ticket

 

  1. This is a trope that doesn’t get much play these days, if done correctly this could be legit creepy all we need are some good creature effects and a light touch with the baby snatching scenes.

 

What the fuck is a snozberry?

 

1. This was made for SyFy, which means both of the above mentioned needs were thrown out the window before they came up with that headscratcher of a title.

 

This poster is made of win...

Puppet Monster Massacre– Some teenagers take a dare to spend the night in an old mansion on the outskirts of town…and they have a sleepover with old movies and pillow fights…yeah no I’m guessing they die.

 

Puppet Love

 

  1. I am absolutely shocked by the number of positive reviews I’ve seen online for this thing. Now assuming they’re not all the filmmakers mom, that begs the question: Could this thing actually be good?

 

Cut the strings

 

  1. I wouldn’t put money on it, though there is a shot that this could be the breakout comedy of the summer.

 

Scream of the Banshee– Some archaeology adjunct unwittingly releases the terror of County Cork.

 

Erin go bragh

 

  1. The banshee never really does get much screen action does she? This could be cool, just make sure you have your surround sound set up.

 

Fuck off ye Irish

 

1. Honey there aren’t enough subwoofers in the Bronx to make this After Dark/ SyFy love child work.

 

The Task–  Another After Dark entry, this one’s about a reality show filming in a haunted prison, I’m guessing it doesn’t go well.

 

The Real Deal

 

  1. The premise actually sounds kind of awesome I mean Haunted Prison! Reality tv personalities getting gutted! How can you lose?

 

Reality Bites

  1. Ahem….Halloween Resurrection if Michael Myers can’t give this idea some cache, what makes you think this can?

We Are What We Are– A Mexican fright flick about three orphaned children who must now fend for themselves…oh and they’re cannibals which means I won’t fall asleep.

 

They grow up so fast

  1. I love foreign horror, and I’m not just being a snob. There are fewer taboos, less emphasis on PG-13 type marketing ability. It’s like…they actually want to scare you. This could be awesome, it’s an interesting idea and the moral ambiguity of the set up gives it an interesting sidebar.

 

Little bastards

  1. This largely depends on the tone of the movie, if we’re talking Devil’s Rejects style, this could be epic. But if we start veering into Flowers in the Attic territory (which this has the danger of doing) this could really, really suck.

American Grindhouse/Nightmares in Red White and Blue – Ok full disclosure I’m not going to give these a one for one because they aren’t technically horror movies. They are documentaries about horror movies. I’ve watched them both and have to say I really enjoyed them. They’re (pseudo) serious discussions of America’s horror history and particularly if you’re a beginner but even if you’re a genre buff they have a lot of great information about this country’s relationship to things that shock the culture.

Evidence of a Haunting– A second entry in the ‘Reality show gone wrong’ race, this time in the tunnels under a Texas college instead of a prison.

 

Everything’s bigger in Texas

  1. Judging from the trailer this is A) an indie, and B) shooting for the Paranormal Activity subtle bumps and tension driven route. I’m fine with this, I’m more than fine with this.

 

Including the stupid

  1. There have been a LOT of Paranormal Activity ripoffs the last two years and I’m really having a very hard time thinking of one that pulled it off with the same success as the original.

Quarantine 2: Terminal– The American sequel/remake/we don’t know either….entry into the Rec/Quarantine universe, this time the outbreak is in an airport giving us more room to breathe…and die.

 

Take Off

  1. I actually have it on good authority (Fright…Bro…in Law…he has good taste, I’ll come up with a better name later) that this movie does not suck and sometimes when you’re watching a sequel/remake/we don’t know…that’s all you can really ask for.

 

Grounded

  1. Honestly if you’re going to bother…watch [Rec] 2.

 

Vs. The Dead– A Canadian Zombie flick, with your requisite ragtag bunch of losers against the overwhelmingly polite undead.

 

O Canada

  1. I’m always up for a good zombie romp and this should be as good as any right?

 

Oh….Canada

 

  1. Or you know I could go watch any of the other hundred and fifty movies that came out this year with the same fucking premise.

Camp Hell– It’s actually not what you’re thinking. Believe me I was just as shocked as you are. It’s a supernatural/psycho thriller, with a fundy Christian bent. It is literally about a fundamental Christian summer camp dealing with an evil infestation…of sorts. I haven’t watched it yet but I think I’m going to.

 

Camp Hope

  1. Funnily enough I have some limited experience with the sect this film uses, so I admit I have a somewhat prurient interest in the subject matter. But this one could be really interesting, I love the ‘is it or isn’t it?’ kind of supernatural hi-jinks that are sure to be at play here…and call me bitter but I really kind of enjoy watching bad things happen to fundies…in a purely fictional setting.

 

Devil take it

  1. The odds on this being anything but preachy are pretty slim. And preachy…in either direction, tends to be a turn-off for me.

The Clinic– A couple traveling through Australia (mistake no. 1) get hoodwinked big time, the woman wakes up with an impromptu c-section, her baby is missing and she apparently isn’t the only one having this particular flavor of bad day.

 

G’day

  1. An interesting twist on the old ‘hotel room kidney theft’ myth. It might be worth watching just for the comparison.

 

Somebody bring me a Dingo

  1. Granted a potentially terrifying situation but I haven’t even seen these people and I’m guessing the following. Hubby/Boyfriend is a major tool/d-bag/asshole and we’re still supposed to sympathize.  Also, the evil backwoods hicks did it.

 

Evil Things– Five teenagers go for a weekend away in upstate New York, never to be seen again…but wait we found this camera!

 

Road Trip!

  1. We’ve already discussed this, I love found footage, and it’s not actually called The Blair Witch Project 3 so I’m gonna take my goddamn chances and to hell with you.

 

Out of gas

  1. It isn’t actually called  The Blair Witch Project 3  may very well be the only thing it has going for it.

Frat House Massacre– Turnabout is fair play, straight up slasher with a majorly male cast.

 

Go Bro!

 

  1. This one could be worth seeing just for the gender swap. Bonus points if the killer is female.

 

This one needs some hazing

 

  1. I’m a little leery of modern slashers trying to emulate the 70’s style gore-factory films. Largely because those films were not cheesy and heavy handed on purpose, but their descendents, in the act of homage tend to amp up the camp which is something you just can’t do intentionally.

The Tenant–  Ok this one wins the title doesn’t seem to match synopsis award. A doctor who is obsessed with curing illness through genetics…blah…nurse takes things into own hands…terrible creation that must be destroyed. And here I was thinking this was some kind of demon landlord thing.

 

Sign the lease

  1. Mostly I’m curious how they named this thing, I want to see if there’s anything in this movie that justifies the title.

 

Squat it

  1. This one has kind of a slapdash feel to it just looking at the production facts, that doesn’t bode well for the actual film.

Death Stop Holocaust– Two young women get the ‘we don’t like hot chicks round these parts’ treatment in this little indie flick. You’re standard, vacation + horrible discovery = grisly death.

 

Trespassing is fun

  1. Men in scary white van hacking girls to bits. That’s meat and potatoes right there.

 

Stay the fuck out

  1. Best case scenario, this subgenre kind of irritates me with good production values and a budget.

John Carpenter’s The Ward– A young woman is committed to a mental institution, and one by one the other inmates start to disappear. The ghost in residence is assumed to be the one to blame and….go.

Commit me

  1. It’s John Carpenter, I have to, I absolutely have to. Also I like psych ward horror it gives you a lot of leeway with the visuals with the chance for some truly surreal shit in the second and third acts.

 

Take your meds

  1. We’re kind of dealing with the ‘been there done that’ effect on this one, it’s just kind of starting to blur into the same movie isn’t it? Well here’s hoping Johnny can bang out a couple original jumps in there.

Lizard Boy– A geneticist injects his little swimmers into a reptilian egg and voila! Instant B-movie.

 

Hatch it

  1. Ok I’ve got to give this one some props for honesty in advertising and being bold enough to say ‘yup we’re going there’ besides…comedy gold.

 

Omelet anyone?

  1. This is the same problem as Frat House Massacre half the fun of those old movies was knowing that at least on some level their creators were taking them seriously. Trying to artificially recreate that seems kind of counterfeit camp to me.

Priest– Paul Bettany plays a ‘priest’ in a futuristic dystopian society that has previously been at war with weird worm/vampire things.

 

Blessed

  1. I love Paul Bettany, that is all.

 

Say your prayers

  1. Which is why I can’t figure out why he keeps signing up for this crap. This has Legion written all the fuck over it. The most noteworthy thing about this flick is ruining the previews for every single horror movie I saw this spring.

The Bleeding House-This one seems to be on a mystery/horror track. The synopsis doesn’t give much away. We don’t know anything about our protagonist. He just shows up to a house containing a slaughtered family and kind of…pokes around?

 

Let it flow

  1. As I’ve previously shared, the less I know about a movie the more I want to know what’s going on so this one’s got my attention.

 

Tourniquet

  1. The direction the film seems to be taking can either be suspenseful or boring, without skilled filmmaking it’s much more likely to be boring.

Peeping Blog­– No synopsis…again.

 

Voyeurtastic

  1. The writer/director of this film is listed as being ‘Creep Creepersin’. My interest is piqued.

 

Cut the Wi-Fi

  1. I’m a little worried that might be this guy’s actual name…

 

 

Easy Bigby

Whew! Well that was exhausting, anyway I hope this gets you up to date with all the latest and greatest since we went on hiatus (boo-ya I’m totally leaving it in and I don’t care…I don’t). Since I still haven’t delivered on a month long promise I will make it again. I WILL review Insidious this week…just as soon as I can sleep again.

 

Also for those on the east coast…WTF earthquake?

 

That is all…for now…I promise only for now…

 

 

Your contrite Screamstress,

 

 

 

 

~Fright Dyke.

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One Response to “DVD Tuesday 8/23/11”

  1. So happy you’re back! Laughed that Fright Bro-In-Law made your blog 🙂 Can’t wait to read your Insidious review – we may need to chat…

    Love ya!

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