DVD Tuesday 9/27/11

Hey Folks,

 

Hell yeah I’m on time! Consider this a warm-up.

Speaking of which I’m either a genius and a crowd pleaser…

 

...oh yeah...

Or you’re a bunch of lazy bastards! I haven’t received a single comment or e-mail regarding the Horror-thon (which is kinda fine with me…but also makes me look like a jackass) so…y’know get to work hating my decisions.

 

Oh get lost, you know it doesn't count unless I say 'I Wish'

Anyway it’s Tuesday and you know what that means! Crap came out on DVD and we’re gonna talk about it even though all we have to go on is IMDB.com and intuition.

 

Due to my inordinate punctuality with this week’s selection we can be a bit generous and do a 3 for 3.

 

 

WoW party?

 

 

Basement– Six people get lured into the basement of a (house?) it doesn’t say for an experiment and then have to escape/survive.

 

The Scientific Method

 

  1. Basements are creepy…
  2. Experiments with unwitting human subjects are creepy…
  3. One line synopses are creepy…

 

Some things you have to take on faith

 

  1. A 1 star rating on IMDB…that’s not good.
  2. A 1 line synopses…that’s not good.
  3. “Do you remember me telling you about my twin sister who died in childbirth?” – This is apparently a non sequitor line from the film…oh boy.

 

It's like marco polo but with scary eyes

The Echo Game– A woman must protect her adopted daughter from a rogue scientist trying to harness the girl’s psychokinetic powers for the forces of evil…oh did I mention the adopted daughter is her dead female lover’s biological child?

 

WOOOT!!

 

  1. It finally happened they’re making schlock horror movies with dyke protagonists!
  2. It has a 7.9 out of 10 on IMDB which means it isn’t thinly veiled flashback porn!
  3. That’s lesbian protagonist AND no porn people this is fucking huge! And Hollywood didn’t collapse in on itself!

 

Wait a sec…

 

  1. This is too good to be true.
  2. This is too good to be true.
  3. Shit…she’s gonna fuck Mark Ruffalo isn’t she?

 

Nudity on the cover is a good sign

The Hagstone Demon– An alcoholic writer takes a job as a caretaker in an old apartment building and is confronted by some very sensual evil.

 

I had snu snu…

  1. It’s a gothic horror tribute piece, and in black and white. I mean we’re always complaining that they don’t make ‘em like they used to right?
  2. There’s usually a splash of camp in tribute pieces that if done correctly is satisfying.
  3. It takes place in a creepy old apartment building, establishing mood shouldn’t be too hard.

 

The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised…

 

  1. The protagonist sure as heck doesn’t look like anything would want to sensually terrify him.
  2. That splash of camp is likely to end up requiring a sub-pump.
  3. The most appropriate brackets I could think of for this film are Zapp Brannigan quotes…I think that says something.

 

Uh...I think there's something on your face

Slaughtered– an Aussie slasher import, this one takes place in a pub full of attractive twenty somethings and the local roughnecks (it is Australia, they’re lucky none of the local wildlife like Foster’s).

 

 

Pub Crawl

 

  1. The Aussies have a good horror track record, I don’t see why this one wouldn’t deserve a shot.
  2. The mask design for the killer is an interesting touch, it looks like his face is peeling off, bonus points if this gets used in the reveal at the end.
  3. I don’t remember seeing a slasher movie set in a bar recently, I’ve seen zombie movies (Shaun of the Dead) and I’ve seen creature features (Feast) but this would be a first for the ‘masked-guy-with-sharp-object’ set.

 

 

Designated Die…er

 

  1. Not really clear on how this is going to pan out plot wise. I mean I get that plot isn’t really the main selling point here (see: boobs) but still.
  2. The killer might just be getting over a real bad sunburn.
  3. There are so many more interesting ways to die in the land down under.

 

 

Isn't it kinda the point NOT to have shiny title graphics?

 

Snuff Film: Death on Camera– Ok this one’s from the Brits: A filmmaker attempting to make a ‘horror masterpiece’ decides to actually kill people on camera (shocker) and gives us really grainy, home movie style footage of his crimes.

 

Faces of death

 

  1. There’s never anything wrong with going for realism.
  2. With some good acting the kill sequences should be very intense.
  3. I’m interested to see if the killer director gets any kind of character development this idea has been done before with both too little (Cannibal Holocaust) and too much (Skeleton Crew) backstory, maybe this one can find a happy medium?

 

Everyone knows these are fake

  1. We’re again veering out of ‘frightening’ and into ‘hard to watch’ territory here, this movie is about ‘real’ torture porn, both in reality and the world of the film.
  2. How many times can we make this movie before we figure out it doesn’t really work without some HEAVY plot and character development, both for the killer and the victims, judging by the length of the cast list I’m not sure we can expect that.
  3. While the video quality should make for a ‘gritty’ effect, odds are it will be annoying by kill number three.

 

Aaaaaand done, so to sum up: YAY on time! DAMMIT no challenges. YAY DVD’s! DAMMIT Wall Cat is still breathing…

 

YOU GO TO HELL!....YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!!

 

Again: frightdyke@gmail.com or the comment section on Saturday’s post…and GO…

 

 

Your impatient Screamstress,

 

 

~Fright Dyke

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