Just a little light reading

Hey Folks,

 

We’re only hours away from the beginning of Shocktober! Which means you have less than a day to tell me what an idiot I am…though I appreciate the confidence in my choices that you have heretofore displayed by ignoring the whole shebang.

frightdyke@gmail.com/ comment for the love of Carpenter.

 

and make no mistake...he is love

 

Anyway today is still September and since I’ll be diving headlong into the bowels of cinematic terror tomorrow morning I thought we might take a moment today to talk about well…not horror.

The horror

 

I know, I know this is supposed to be a horror/gay blog but there is so much more to who I am…like the things that I am deeply ashamed are part of who I am. So I’m going to do the only logical thing I can think of to do with those things and broadcast them for all to see on the internet.

 

 

Because that’s just the kind of girl I am…

 

 

This is the kind of girl I want to be...

 

 

Fright Dyke’s Top Ten Guilty Pleasures:

 

10. Law & Order SVU

 

CHING CHING

Ok so this one might not be shameful in and of itself. I mean it’s a crime procedural millions of people watch them, that’s why they account for about 70% of all television airtime.

The shame comes from the fact that I happen to have a Bachelor’s degree…in criminal justice…which means that I know exactly how full of shit these shows are. There is not a single police officer on television that would still have their jobs after the first commercial break of the pilot and Detectives Benson and Stabler are no exception (Stabler would actually have been in jail since season 1) which is why I keep telling myself that I only keep watching for sexy D.A. Casey Novak.

 

9. Hoarders

 

Like riding a psychotic horse towards a burning stable

Can anyone argue seriously that there is not a perverse joy to witnessing this carnage?

 

You remember that creepy kid from High School? The one who stared at everyone and ate stuff out of the trash? This show is like getting to go to that kid’s house without actually having to experience the smell.

8. Food Network

 

That's not a turkey...that's butter with food coloring

It’s fat kid porn, there’s no excuse or argument here…I have lain awake at night thinking about how many sticks of butter Paula Deen can shove up the ass of an average sized Cornish game hen…or whether or not I could jury rig a cheap imitation of Alton Brown’s mad scientist soap dispenser…or who ruined Giada Delaurentis’ childhood…or whether or not Rachel Ray always looked like that…but mostly it’s about the butter and chocolate.

 

7. Sports Talk Radio

 

Why do I do this to myself?

 

Again lots of people like this…but again most of them are 70 year old alcoholics named Myron from Poughkeepsie who REALLY. REALLY, REALLY need to know whether or not that low outside pitch on Jeter was intentionally thrown at his head at four AM.

 

6. Musicals

 

God can you just FEEL the subtext

I feel the need to explain that I like GOOD musicals, and you know some not so good ones but all the same; the artistry of musical theatre is astounding. If only for the precision timing involved to successfully combine dialogue, music, dance and being that gay all at the same time.

 

5. Romantic Comedies

 

And yet I'm still totally fine with you playing Catwoman

I know, this is about as far from hardcore as you can get but I would like to argue that I am occasionally not in my right mind…mostly when Anne Hathaway is on screen.

 

4. Sports Movies

 

I believe in you Jobu

This is sort of an extension of romantic comedies…except much more butch. I cried at the end of Major League, and The Natural and The Pride of the Yankees…that is all…for this section…that is not a complete list of sports movies that I have cried during.

 

3. Dance Music

 

Fact: this makes NO SENSE

I wish I could say I was a sophisticated connoisseur or at least a diehard metal head but nothing makes me happier on a two hour overnight drive than Cascada and Katy Perry.

 

2. Rupaul’s Drag Race

 

I CAN'T HELP MYSELF

I’m not sure this one belongs on the list…because I’m not sure that I’m ashamed of it. On the other hand my shame denial makes it so shameful that it should clearly be number two. But in my defense how in the hell did it take this long to come up with this idea? Put a bunch of bitchy drag queens in a room together and see what happens: COMEDY GENIUS! Also not for nothing if you drink heavily before hand some of the ladyboys are awfully easy on the eyes.

 

On a related note: Carmen where the fuck do you put that thing?!

 

  1. Millionaire Matchmaker

 

She's like a modern day cupid/ Heidi Fleiss

For those of you who don’t watch it; Patti Stanger sets obnoxious rich people up with drop dead gorgeous ringers that she absolutely guarantees aren’t in it for the money; they’re in it for love. Which is totally why they allow themselves to be treated like cattle for entrance to the ‘Millionaire’s Club’ at which point they are again put through the cattle deal with the sugardaddies/mommies. I love Ms. Stanger; she’s bitchy, she’s in charge and she is all up in everybody’s business. That and honestly she’s not always wrong.

 

Also it’s hysterical because the rich people are as you could have guessed: big enough tools that they couldn’t find a date with millions of dollars and a world full of golddigging whores.

 

 

So that completes the list for now, I’m sure I’ll come up with something even more embarrassing to tell you all on the other side of the Shocktober gauntlet. I console myself only with the idea that this post will soon be smothered by the mountain of monster material to be flung your way in just a few short hours.

 

 

So again if you want any of that to change: frightdyke@gmail.com or comment.

 

 

I’m going to go…lift weights or something…

 

 

 

 

Your red faced Screamstress,

 

 

 

~Fright Dyke

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