DVD Tuesday 12/27/2011

Hey Folks,

So I realize I never did a Christmas post, but honestly how many of you had THAT little to do on Sunday? I mean come on.

I know I sure as hell didn't.

But it’s Tuesday and the horror wheel merrily turns, we’ve got eight new movies available for viewing in the little rat infested hovel you call a home so let’s get into it with the two for two.

 

 

2012: Zombie Apocalypse– The title pretty much does the explaining for me. Ving Rhames and a small group of fellow survivors try to make it through the terror that will doom us all in 349 days.

It’s not the end of the world

  1. Ving Rhames has proven to be extremely entertaining lately, particularly after a truly awesome turn in Piranha 3D considering that he already has a pretty decent track record against the undead; this could very well be the ‘Ving Rhames kicks everything’s ass’ show and that would be pretty damn epic.

2. Uh I don’t know about you but I would like to be prepared for the inevitable. This isn’t entertainment people it’s a training video.

Oh wait…

  1. Not that I mean to spoil the fun here or anything; but I’ve had enough of the 2012 BS. I mean even if it’s true, it’s not like the conspiracy theorists are going to have terribly long to gloat is it?

2. Asylum pictures ladies and gentleman, it’s like zombies for dummies, for dummies.

The Amityville Haunting– A found footage style, sort of sequel, though it has no connection with the established franchise or remake. A new family moves into Long Island’s most charming piece of real estate and documents the weird shit for all to see.

Home sweet home

  1. It’s an Amityville story, I mean come on.

2. Hate to beat a dead horse here but I like found footage, this could be an interesting twist on an old favorite.

GET (the fuck) OUT

 

  1. IS NOTHING FUCKING SACRED TO YOU ASYLUM?!

2. NOTHING YOU MONEY GRUBBING WORTHLESS BASTARDS?!

Apollo 18– The story of our last, doomed mission to the moon. Two astronauts test that pesky ‘no one can hear you scream’ thing as their lunar mission goes from historic to horrific in a big time hurry, I still haven’t seen it but you can see my two cents here.

Chop– An unfortunate man is forced by a mysterious stranger to reveal secrets about his unsavory past through amputation.

Confession is good for the soul.

 

  1. This one promises to have a little more going on than your general movie named ‘Chop’ we have psychological tension, what should be some pretty good anticipation sequences and amputation…not really seeing a downside.

2. Now I wanna know what he did, which I can only find out by watching the movie…

OUCH

 

  1. There is apparently no one out there in horror-land that isn’t covering up some kind of grisly crime. I mean hell why do the cops go after the killer? It’s the fucking victims they ought to be locking up.

2. The cover looks sort of doofy doesn’t it? I mean like this could be a comedy in drag…

Final Destination 5– Death….Still can’t beat it…or kill it’s franchise apparently. This time the starting gun is a suspension bridge collapse.

Inevitability

 

  1. Death isn’t the only thing we can’t escape. These things are completely addictive, the kills are creative and they just keep coming. We’re cool until they run out of things they can explode thus setting off a ridiculously circuitous series of events ultimately killing off some hapless idiot who was supposed to be dead already.

2. Tony Todd’s still collecting a paycheck for this thing so get out there and see it.

Bury this thing already

 

  1. Ridiculously circuitous may as well be shorthand for ‘highly implausible’.

2. Tony Todd seems to be taking checks for just about anything nowadays doesn’t he?

Hostel Part III– The third installment takes place in Las Vegas, where the carnage is indistinguishable from your average strip show.

Hit me

 

  1. Who doesn’t love a good blood and guts show, plus it taking place in America this time around which should eliminate those pesky subtitles for those of you too lazy to read.

2. It’s Hostel so plan on there being a lot of nudity and sex…like where the exposition should be, maybe this time someone will die within the first forty five minutes.

Stay

 

  1. This is the franchise that created ‘torture porn’ and one of the few examples of that genre that deserves the title. To be honest with you I’ve never found it terribly appealing and I don’t expect that will change this time around.

2. Yeah I wouldn’t count on there being anything other than nudity for about an hour.

The Hunters– A bunch of teens stumble on a fort in the woods only to discover that it’s d-bag hunting season.

Ready, aim

 

  1. Kids getting slaughtered in the woods. Can’t lose.

2. I’m gonna take the over on there being some kind of big family secret that ties into all of this.

May I see your license please?

 

  1. D-bag season or not I feel like you’re taking a real chance with this one, I mean they are going to at least try to make them sympathetic.

2. All in all it’s probably worth a shot, but if you’re only gonna see one on this list, this one isn’t gonna be it.

The Tunnel– A documentary crew investigating a government conspiracy checks out a tunnel said to be part of the story and they get a little more than they bargained for, found footage style.

Dig Deeper

 

  1. Love me some found footage, and since I really can’t find any indication of what it is they’re going to be finding…I may actually be surprised by something.

2. Aussie horror rarely disappoints me and since this one is from the land down under I feel like my odds are better for some                      reason.

Leave it be

  1. Government conspiracy? I’m gonna go with some kind of monster.

2. Let’s go ahead and remind everyone that my second point above is completely and utterly illogical.

All right that would be it for this week kiddies. Go get a renting…or you know making use of the gift card swag you received a few days ago.

Or you could save it for when she finally makes t-shirts with my likeness...

Keep dreamin’ big guy.

Your post-merry Screamstress,

~Fright Dyke

Advertisements

One Response to “DVD Tuesday 12/27/2011”

  1. I think they’re going to be milking the Final Destination movies for as long as they make money. Someday, you’ll be writing about FD 25–kinda like those Kidz Bop albums…

    Bright Dyke

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: