DVD Tuesday- 1/17/12

Hi folks,

 

Ok so here is the very first (and long awaited) DVD Tuesday of the new year and we’ve had quite a few mainstream flicks so far that missed the Christmas retail rush. Unfortunately I’ve only seen one of them and Wall Cat sort of beat me to the analysis of it:

 

 

I'm a far more efficient typist

But we’re going to slog through anyway; there’s enough out there on these that we’re going to go with the one for one.

 

 

 

Is she screaming underwater?...!

 

Shark Night-

 

A bunch of teens on vacation at a lake/swamp/inlet house fall victim to various species of sharks over the course of twenty four hours.

 

Fins up

 

It is a shark movie and the effort was put forth to use more than just the big boys. In one instance with surprisingly good results.

 

Don’t go in the water

 

This thing straight up sucked and that’s something coming from me. The CGI sharks look TERRIBLE, the acting’s a joke and all the good scares are plagiarized from another (far better) film. They mailed this one in, in a big way and it shows.

 

 

No matter what I still LOVE this poster

 

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark-

 

Major release from Guillermo del Toro, this is a remake of a cult favorite. A little girl moves into her father’s house and finds some truly terrifying things in her closet.

 

I’m not scared

 

I love the premise and the trailer terrified me. Here’s hoping the whole shebang can live up to my own hype.

 

Leave a light on

 

The press for this was NOT good, almost universally panned. I love del Toro and I’d be surprised if a movie he made could really suck as bad as people have claimed this one does…but it is a remake.

 

 

Gee I think there are six famous people in this movie

Contagion­-

 

A deadly disease threatens to wipe out humanity…if the CDC can’t stop it in time.

 

I’m a carrier

 

I love these movies. A very real threat put on film is always more frightening plus an A-list cast means money was spent and when money is spent the makeup effects tend to look awesome. Prepare to be grossed out.

 

Typhoid Mary

 

This movie has been done before, most notably with Outbreak which is a good movie but not particularly frightening. Unless they really play up some gruesome symptoms this one may as well be in the ‘Drama’ section.

 

 

That seems sort of rude don't you think?

Don’t Let Him In-

 

A couple looking to relax in the country run into a good old fashioned serial killer. Panic and bloodshed ensues.

 

Open up

 

It’s a serial killer, probably not a true slasher but this looks low budget enough to be fairly ridiculous and therefore highly enjoyable.

 

Did you hear the bell?

 

Direct to DVD and ‘possibly slasher, probably not’ don’t tend to mix too well.

 

This makes no sense...genius?

 

Attack of the Vegan Zombies-

 

A farmer gets a witch to cast a spell on his crops that turns the farmhands into the undead.

 

Harvest time

 

I think I might need to know how the whole ‘vegan’ thing works in here.

 

No options

 

For something with a vegan label on it; this thing is gonna be covered in cheese… and not in a yummy way.

 

And we're already gone...

 

Red: Werewolf Hunter-

 

The descendant of Little Red Riding Hood has to protect her werewolf boyfriend from her decidedly anti-lycan family.

 

Give love a chance

 

I’m sorry I just…I just can’t…

 

What a big exit wound you have

 

I’m done with this shit. If you find out your boyfriend’s a monster just fucking KILL HIM. I’m sick of this. I’ve met girls who dumped their boyfriend for wearing the wrong brand of jeans.

 

Ok we’re going to take a moment here because this whole thing just pisses me the fuck off.

 

She's about to get preachy...you may as well just scroll till you see another movie poster

 

Why do we teach women that if their partner is actually DANGEROUS they should just try to fix them/ shelter them from a world that just doesn’t understand?

 

Battered women think their partners love them too. Because when they aren’t beating the shit out of them they manipulate them with affection. This has nothing to do with male or female by the way; abusers come in every flavor, but this idea that we keep reinforcing this ‘stick by your lover no matter how bad it is, deep down they really love you’ crap is exactly that.

 

 

If only you could see the rainbows and unicorns in his soul the way I do...

 

I’ve never even seen this movie and I already know I’m going to hate it.

 

Removal-

 

Dude I think you're just making it worse

Sort of a murder mystery, very hithcockian/twilight zone, about a carpet cleaner who suspects the client he’s working for may have done something nefarious to create that big red stain on the floor…

 

Mop it up

 

This one; if done right should have kind of a retro, suspense thing going on that you just don’t see too much anymore. If they did a good job of it this could be a breath of fresh air.

 

Cover it with a mat

 

IF they did it right. And honestly who wants to lay down money on that one?

 

 

A Darker Reality-

 

A light fantasy though

No synopsis given, but I gather from a review that it’s about a serial killer and the police pursuit thereof. Interestingly enough this is an expanded version of a 2008 release that didn’t really get any play at all from what I can tell.

 

Unlight my life

 

The delay makes it sort of interesting. If the director expanded it there had to be something there worth working off of right?

 

My reality is not your reality

 

Probably wrong. Which is why he needed to expand it in the first place.

 

 

Psychotica-

Now you'd think this would be a little more colorful wouldn't you?

 

A bunch of heroin addicts hole themselves up in a cabin to try to kick the habit. There may or may not be ghosts, research inconclusive…either way a bunch of them die and for that we’re grateful.

 

Trippin’

 

This is another one of those movies where the visuals alone could be worth it.

 

Freakin’ out

 

Can you imagine how good the visuals would have to be?

 

 

 

Shriek of the Sasquatch-

 

It's really more of a yawn

A ‘Grindhouse’ style throw back B-Movie with the Bomble.

 

I shriek you shriek

 

Hey! They mentioned Grindhouse! It must be good!

 

Would someone please ask Mr. Ives to stop singing?

 

Hey! They wouldn’t have to mention Grindhouse if this thing were any damn good!

 

 

Cold Sweat-

This is one oxymoronic post today isn't it?

 

A Spanish language import from Argentina about a group of twenty something’s subjected to brutal experimentation by unknown captors.

 

Let’s get chilly

 

Experimentation sounds delightfully open ended doesn’t it?

 

Excessive B.O.

 

Every review I can find of this thing says the plot’s pretty ‘open-ended’ too.

 

 

 

Well there you have it.

 

 

That’s our year on home video so far. Of course next week we’ll have more DVD horrors to rip apart and some pretty big ones at that.

 

I WILL be back again this week I just haven’t decided with what. There’s a part of me that has a strong urge to figure out how to effectively review a TV series…

 

 

 

12 reviews? 1 review? 12 feelings? 1 feeling? I dunno.

 

 

 

Your musing Screamstress,

 

 

 

 

 

~Fright Dyke

 

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