DVD Tuesday, Theater Thursday…sure why not

Hey Folks,

So it’s that time again. Sort of, this one’s a two part ‘sorry I’m late’ post since there are actually movies coming out this week in theaters on top of the DVD/Netflix goodness.

 

Before we start though I would like to point out again just for the record that our girl Sharon is still tearing it up on Drag Race and making all us freaky people awfully proud.

Can I get an Amen?

I am in fact bringing Ranturday back tomorrow, I’ve been having a lot of feelings lately. I know deep down you care.

Delusional...

Anyway DVD Tuesday rundown, two for two this week:

The Pack

A French import; a couple stop at a rest stop, they get tortured and fed to freaks by the hillbillies who run it, you know that old song and dance.

Run with it

 

The fed to freaks part is sort of novel. Which is good

French Horror has been on a hot streak. No reason not to let it ride right?

 

Loners are fun

 

This may be cultural ignorance on my part but I wasn’t aware there was a French equivalent for hillbilly.

If by hot streak you mean three films in the last five years you may be on to something.

 

Requiem for the Damned: Five Tales of Poe

An anthology presentation of “The Pit and the Pendulum”, “The Fall of the House of Usher”, “The Black Cat”, “The Tell-Tale Heart” and “Murders in the Rue Morgue”.

Edgar’s the MAN

 

Five classics, great stories, can’t miss.

Five is better than one, always.

 

Well he was…like 80 years ago

Classic may as well be Hollywood for ‘old’ and you’ve totally seen it already.

Do we really want to see five different directors take a stab at these again? I mean come on are they really going to do it better than the dozens of people that took them on previously?

 

 

Wow kind of lean huh? Good thing the cinema isn’t dead yet.

FUCK YOU

Theater Thursday rundown again with the two for two:

The Innkeepers

A hotel, going out of business, relives some of its more sordid history.

Stay the Night

 

Hotels have lots of rooms, and therefore lots of ghosts. Lots of ghosts are scarier than just one, right?

Some of the best horror takes place at the inn so to speak Psycho, The Shining, 1408, Watergate.

 

Stay Away

Lots of ghosts does not at ALL mean lots of fun. T13een Ghosts anyone?

The ghosts will most likely result from tragedies that took place at the hotel, they will have long winded and tragic back stories…I’ll start snoring five minutes into the first flashback. It’s not that I don’t like fleshed out characters, it’s that ghosts are generally scarier without flesh.

 

 

The Woman in Black-

I actually saw this one! A remake of an old Hammer film about a ghost that preys on children in a small English hamlet.

It’s a scream

 

Just to get this out of the way: Harry Potter is in this movie

Children are scary. Bad things are scary. Bad things happening to children is terrifying and one of the few taboos that still holds any weight in the genre.

She’s a screamer

 

I didn’t find it too difficult to dissociate, but Fright Sis was extremely distracted by the fact that Harry Potter is in this movie. Not that it particularly bothered me, but if you’re watching this with a Potterhead and you still think a Snape is some kind of exotic rodent…this could prove problematic.

It’s a period piece sort of, early twentieth century, which is actually usually a selling point for me, but be prepared for some pretty darn convenient solutions to problems, you know ones that can be effected with a shovel and some rope.

 

 

 

Kill List-

 

A hitman who thinks he found an easy mark, finds out otherwise.

Hit it

 

Otherwise could be like literally anything.

He’s a hitman so in theory he should be able to put up a decent fight.

 

Take the hit

 

Literally anything, which means they’ll pick something dumb.

Part of the horror is the idea that the main character is no better equipped to deal with the situation they find themselves in than we would be. I’m not a trained assassin and I’m guessing most of you aren’t either.

 

 

Gone-

 

Amanda Seyfried’s sister is kidnapped by the same killer who abducted her a year prior. She runs to the rescue.

It’s like she has ESPN

 

This is an interesting dynamic, a former victim hunting down the bad guy for a change.

I actually really like Seyfried, I think she’s done an impressive job with serious material since Mean Girls blew her up.

 

God Karen you’re so stupid

 

Some of that ‘serious material’ has included the Red Riding Hood debacle last year, I still can’t totally forgive her.

This is already sort of set up like the writer’s are acknowledging that you won’t give a crap about the girl who is actually currently in danger. I find that disturbing and not at all encouraging.

 

 

 

Lost Woods-

 

A man with severe forestophobia (?) figures he should probably fix that and finds out he should’ve just stayed in the city.

Gear up

 

The woods are an ancient human phobia, exploration of this is perfectly fine with me.

It’s ten thousand murderous forest creatures when all you need is a bunny.*

*I know you didn’t get it, remember that line in that insanely popular Alanis Morrisette song about the guy who was afraid of flying and then he got on a plane and it cra…screw it it’s dead now.

 

Pack it in

 

We’ve been exploring the woods with Mr. Voorhees and a few hundred others now for decades. I don’t think the woods are getting scarier any time soon.

When are people going to learn that if you have an irrational fear of something it’s totally the universe telling you that that thing is going to murder you in your sleep? I mean for real, I have many irrational fears, know what I do about ‘em? Absolutely nothing. Because if I try to fix it I will die a horrible irony laden death.

 

 

The Snowtown Murders-

Based on true events, a teenager joins his stepfather’s neighborhood watch group, which proceeds to torture and kill people…you know, like ya do.

The whole truth and only the truth

 

We’ve been over this, reality is creepy as hell.

Abuse of power stories are always interesting, when paired with pack mentality they can be downright brutal.

 

For real?

 

Reality also tends to be boring, even in cases like this, which is when the producers call for some heavy ‘reality enhancement’.

We get it; meat heads in large groups do stupid/cruel/unspeakable shit.

 

 

Playback-

 

Ghost in the videotape, kills a bunch of teenagers, Christian Slater tries to stop this for some reason.

Let it roll

 

Why the hell not, this premise worked pretty darn well the first time.

This one probably won’t take place in Seattle, which means the weather won’t be a distraction.

 

Play the credits

 

For real guys? Why didn’t you just make a movie about a guy in a Christmas sweater who kills people while they nap?

Christian Slater really will do anything for a paycheck won’t he?

 

 

 

Silent House-

A woman in her family’s lake house experiences some ominous events. I’m frankly more interested in the issue that this was shot in one continuous shot, which is obviously extremely difficult and hopefully just as interesting.

Silence is deafening

 

As I said this whole one continuous shot thing is awfully interesting, the POV should be enough.

Ominous is always a good word to find in a synopsis.

Silence is boring

 

Camera gimmicks worry me a bit. If you have to find something interesting to do with the equipment to sell your story…that doesn’t say a whole lot for your story.

Ominous is like…pre-cursor…it’s root is the word omen…meaning before actual action occurs… I’m not sure it means what they think it means.

 

 

 

 

 

Well that does it for me for the day.

 

 

I am resurrecting Ranturday tomorrow. Let’s hope it’s still fresh.

 

 

 

Your sporadic Screamstress,

~Fright Dyke

 

 

 

Advertisements

One Response to “DVD Tuesday, Theater Thursday…sure why not”

  1. Alanis Morissette Jokes. Really, honey?
    Also, I watched 1 trailer. The Inkeepers. Because, like a dummy, I forget that, if I’m going to get freaked out, it’s going to be by ghosts. ..I’ll get you for this.

    –Bright Dyke.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: