Movie Review- Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Hey Folks,

So yeah it’s….the first Friday of October which means it’s time to pick up where we left off last year with Mr. Voorhees’ greatest hits. One of my personal favorites in the Camp Crystal Lake archive:

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

 

 

There is a resident of that town whose sole responsibility is making new signs for this place

 

 

Fast Facts

 

Made in 1988, this is (duh) the seventh installment of the saga of Camp Blood. Directed by what’s his face and starring who the fuck cares…except….oh wait….

It’s not you

Cast

At this point in the series there’s really just no point in even naming the machete fodder but there is this one guy who is kinda, sorta important….

Fuck YOU Oxygen!

Kane Hodder dons the mask for the first time ever in number 7. It took six movies for Jason to finally find the one. I really couldn’t be happier that he did. Kane Hodder is the only person who honestly and truly gets Jason. He is also the only actor to play the role more than once. I mean honestly when you consider that he has no dialogue and his face is covered for 98% of his screen time; the fact that there is a noticeable difference in his performance is astonishing, then tack on that he’s really fucking good at it and the disbelief scale goes through the roof.

Observations

This is a Friday the 13th, nuff said. There is one notable difference in that there’s a girl with telekinesis and some pretty damn severe daddy issues, leading Bright Dyke to rather astutely dub it ‘Jason vs. Carrie’… but honestly this one’s all about the blood…except…..

I have one major beef with this installment.

Careful there tiger

They shy away from the kill, every time. This movie is rated R and we never once see weapon to face contact actually happen. We see the after effects but even they’re pretty tame compared to even the early entries in the series and at the end of the day you feel kind of cheated by the lack of carnage.

At least on the victims’ end

That being said here are my top three comparably less wussy kills for this one.

3. Melissa

Ok so for every Final Girl there has to be an uber bitch, meet Melissa:

Aw you’re rich…good for you…I see you couldn’t afford a decent pair of tits though

Her entire job in this movie is to say mean shit and turn her head slightly to the right.

Wait for it….

Jason Obliges.

He smacked her so hard she turned left

2. Dr. whosawhatsit.

Yeah that’s right, this guy’s subplot is so stupidly contrived I’m not even giving him the dignity of a Google. You’re not missing anything if he’s on screen.

Except this one time.

I would like everyone to note that this is not a chainsaw, he never uses one, stop drawing it

Besides a weed whacker is much more degrading

  1. My favorite Friday kill.

This is the one, no seriously this is the best fucking thing ever. It was so good, they did it again in Jason X.

Not it

Funny, but not it

I’m gonna pee it’s too funny!

I die laughing every single time.

Conclusions

It’s Friday the 13th, Mr. Hodder has officially begun his reign of being totally fucking awesome, my favorite kill in the whole damn series…. What else could you possibly ask for?

I was told there would be punch and pie

All in all an astounding 9 out of 10 for all the wrong reasons.

So anyway, here we are, plugging along, now only 11 days behind.

Also on a small, administrative side note; Fright Bro #1 has requested he be referred to as G’Morgue. Because he knows The Neverending Story scares the piss out of yours truly and he is as previously concluded; a little shit.

Your Five hour energized Screamstress,

~Fright Dyke

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